Why Great Leaders Refuse The Victim Mindset

Leaders can’t control the field they play on, but they can always control how they show up

An executive sits across from me on Zoom, frustrated. Their boss is a micromanager. Their company’s politics are suffocating. Their peers don’t understand the technical details of the work. They want advice on how to fix the system. Or better yet, how to fix other people.

It is a common beginning to a coaching conversation, and it reveals something most leaders do without realizing it. They slip into a victim mindset.

The Victim Mindset

The victim mindset is seductive. It offers the fleeting relief of innocence—this is happening to me, and it’s not my fault. That can feel satisfying for a moment. But innocence quickly fades into powerlessness. A victim, by definition, has no agency. The longer leaders remain in that mindset, the more helpless, resentful, and fearful they become.

The Soccer Field

To break that cycle, I often ask clients a surprising question: What’s the most popular sport in the world? Most people know the answer—soccer—and the sudden change of subject interrupts their narrative long enough for me to reframe the situation.

When a player steps onto the field, countless factors are outside their control. The field may be mud or turf. The weather could be blistering sun, pouring rain, or even snow. The referees may be unfair. Teammates might be gifted, or they might be clumsy. The crowd might be adversarial or friendly.

The list of uncontrollables is endless. But one thing is always within the player’s control: how they show up on the field. Their effort. Their attitude. Their focus. That is the true job of the player. And the same is true for leaders.

From Victim To Leader Mindset

When it comes to uncontrollable factors, business is no different from the soccer field. Leaders will always face broken systems, imperfect bosses, market turbulence, and politics they can’t control. The one element they can always control is themselves.

This is the leader mindset—the shift from blaming circumstances to taking responsibility for how you show up. It replaces helplessness with confidence, resentment with peace, and fear with focus.

The Complicity Question

One of the toughest but most liberating questions I pose to clients is this: How am I complicit in the situation I say I don’t want?

It is an unsettling question because it challenges the assumption that problems come only from outside. Yet in my experience, more than 90% of the time, leaders are in some way contributing—actively or passively—to the very situation that frustrates them. Seeing this clearly can be painful, but it is also empowering. If I’m complicit, then I’m not helpless. If I’m contributing, I can also choose to contribute differently. That shift, from blame to ownership, is the turning point that opens the door to change.

Practicing The Shift

Embracing the leader mindset is not a one-time epiphany. It’s a practice. Leaders have to develop the discipline to interrupt old habits and choose differently. A simple but powerful model is Pause, Notice, Choose.

Pause—create space instead of reacting impulsively.

Notice—what’s in your control, and what’s not.

Choose—respond in alignment with your values and desired outcomes.

This practice, repeated over and over, keeps leaders from falling back into the trap of habit and pattern that feeds the victim mindset.

The Shadow Of The Leader

Every organization is shaped by what its people believe it takes to succeed there. Employees look upward for the answer. That means the mindset of leaders cascades. If leaders model the victim mindset, blaming circumstances and people, that scapegoating spreads. If they model the leader mindset, owning choices, demonstrating resourcefulness, then that too spreads, creating a culture of accountability and resilience.

When The Field Is The Problem

Of course, sometimes there is a fundamental mismatch between a leader and the field they are playing on. If an organization’s values are at odds with yours, for example around integrity, compliance, or respect, or if the environment is unsafe, then no amount of reframing will make it a fit. In rare cases, the right move is to choose a different field. That should be the last resort, not the first escape hatch.

A Call To Reflection

So what about your own field? Think about the thorny situation you face right now. What elements are outside your control? Which ones are inside it? And how will you choose to show up?

As Viktor Frankl is often credited with saying, between stimulus and response lies our freedom to choose. Leaders who embrace that space find not only effectiveness but also peace. They act in ways they can look back on years later with pride.

The field will never be perfect. But how you show up on it is always within your control.